Can't sleep
by CountryKrys
Summary: Jess can't sleep so he calls Rory, and they have an intense conversation. RR


This is my first Gilmore Girls FanFic, so be gentle.

**Disclaimer-** I do not own Gilmore Girls. But I wouldn't mind owning Jess. Hah

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Chapter 1

_**Jess POV**_

I left again. I left behind the only girl who ever loved me, or even close to being loved. There was no way I could stay in that God forsaken town. The only things that happened there are relationships and pranks I pulled.

When I first met Rory, she was dating this sissy boy Dean. They looked prefect together, they acted perfect together. And then I cam along and she fell for me. The ass dumped her in front of the whole town. She burst into tears and left the room. I saw her on the dock and she was still crying. I hurt me to see her that way.

That night I broke it off with Shane, the girl I had nothing in common with. The girl I used to get into Rory's head and make her jealous. The girl who I didn't even know her last name. Everybody could tell me and her would never last, it was just a fling. I used her to get to Rory, and it worked.

After that night, I was with Rory. I had claimed her as my own. She was finally mine. I could hold her into my arms and not be afraid that Dean would be a foot away glaring daggers in the back of my head.

I could still see Dean around corners watching me and Rory. And those nights when he would come behind me and threaten to kill me or beat me up. Even if he's a foot taller then me, I'm not afraid of him. Never was, never will.

I know I must've hurt Rory, I know I hurt her, but I didn't know what else to do. I'm a failure. It's what I do, I fail. I flunked out of high school, I failed Rory, I failed Luke, and now I'm failing to get anywhere with Jimmy. She doesn't deserve to be involved in such a loser, such a failure; she deserves better. Better then me.

I turn to look at the clock, it's seven in the morning, and I'm awake. Awake and thinking about my life, and how much it sucks. I can't go back to sleep. So I get up.

Jimmy's still asleep, and so is Sasha. And the creepy girl in the closet is reading in the closet again. I swear, that girl is insane on so many levels.

I went for a walk down the sidewalk and all the way to the pay phone I last called Rory on. I called her on the day of her graduation. I didn't say anything, she did. I could hear the sadness in her voice, I knew she was crying. She said she loved me, or thought she did. Why couldn't I say something? Why do I freeze up every time I hear her say 'hello?'?

Without even thinking, I dialed her cell phone number and listened to the high pitched ringing.

"Hello?" Her voice sounded just as he remembered, sweet and tender.  
"Jess, Jess is that you?"

"Jess?" I have to say something. I need to say something.

"Hi." She hasn't said anything for a while.

"Uh…how are you?" She's uncomfortable.

"Better. You?"

"College. Yale."

"No full sentences?"

"Sorry. Just not used to talking to you." I knew it, I screwed up, and I don't know how to make it up to her.

"No. I'm sorry; I was the one who-ah, forget it." I'm talking like a babbling fool!

"Yes. You were the one who left. You are the one who chose not to tell me that you weren't passing high school, and you were leaving. You were the one that shut me out! You, not me!" Damn, she's so hurt.

"You didn't do anything."

"I know! But why couldn't you tell me?"

"I don't know."

"You have to know!"

"I don't." Why do I always do this? I'm always too afraid to tell her and everyone else that I'm scared and in love.

"Did you love me?" My eyes widen, the question I've known the answer to since the day I first met her.

"Yes."

"Then why'd you treat me like that!" Damn, I am such a screw up.

"I didn't know what else to do."

"There were other options Jess! You didn't have to treat me like that! You didn't have to run away! You didn't have to shut me out! You could've told me what was going on! You could've done a lot more then you did! You hurt me Jess. You really did."

"I know! I don't know how to tell people what's going on. I don't know how to let people know I'm in a tight spot. I don't like it, I feel weak. I didn't want you to see me weak!" I can feel the tears arising in my eyes, but I couldn't cry.

"Do you not trust me?" Of course I do, you're Rory, the woman I love.

"Where are you?" I changed the subject.

"Yale. In my dorm. Where are you?"

"California. I found out my dad lives here and I'm trying to get into something with him."

"You said your dad left when you were born."

"He did, but he came to Stars Hollow and I met him. For the first time in my life, I met my father."

When she didn't say anything, he knew she was surprised, surprised that I said anything, surprised of what I said. I can't blame her; she's not used to a person who has problems every step in their life; like me. All my life something has been wrong. My mom never wanted me, my dad was never there, and my uncle was always on my back.

Luke was the only one in my family that I could talk to, the only one who understood. The only one who took me in when I needed a place to go, he was the only one who would help me.

"I miss you." Rory didn't know what to say, and I needed to tell her things.

"I miss you too, but you're the one who left." She was right, I left; I ran away, I deserted her; I made myself lonely and miserable.

"I know. It's all my fault."

"You sound different." I am different. I've grown. I've learned. I've explored.

"I am different."

"I have to go. I had a lot of classes today and I'm whooped."

"I'll bet. I'll talk to you some other time." _Hopefully._

"Yeah, I guess."

"Bye Rory."

"Good bye Jess."

With that she hung up the phone and all I heard was dial tone. Nothing but a loud, long, noise that never seemed to go away. The only thing I remember from all our conversations is the dial tone. Only now I can remember her saying that she misses me.

I walked back to Jimmy's place now that I can sleep knowing I've talked to her.

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Read and Review, tell me what you think! 


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